3.6.14

In case you were wondering why I'm talking about Ash Wednesday when it's after Easter...

"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." - Matthew 6:16-17 -

Taking the time to blog about this spiritual practice is good for me on a larger scale than simply writing in a journal because here I need to be specific and clear about what I am trying to do, and there is a larger audience to hold me accountable to the lessons I learn while I do this. However, I want to take Jesus' teaching seriously. My early understanding of Christianity had a lot to do with appearances and I feel a special affinity to the Pharisees who desperately wanted to understand and love God but often got bogged down in the rules and the appearance of piety. I don't want that to be me.

Therefore, while I am serious about this Lenten observance, I am trying not to make a big deal of it. I don't intend to lie - and I'm sure that some people are going to ask why I'm eating a lot of cottage cheese and no pasta or meat - but I want to stay as low-key as possible. I want to rend my heart rather than my garments, so I am scheduling these posts to be published after the Lenten season.

My sister is doing this Lenten fast with me, and we had a pretty funny text exchange. Yesterday I had asked her if she thought I should go to Mass and she misunderstood and thought that I was telling her to do so. She responded that she was getting enough weird looks from friends who were, likewise, raised protestant and didn't understand while she would choose to fast. She mentioned Matthew 6 and suggested that Jesus was really saying:

Speak not of when you fast... for everyone around you will treat you like a freak and judge the crap out of you, so it's really for your mental healthy.

We were joking, of course, but I'm on the other side of the issue right now. Here, fasting is understood, although it may seem strange to them that I fast when I am not Catholic. I feel my bigger struggle will be personal - learning not to long for what I don't have an not to make a big deal of what I am choosing not to eat. It seems pointless to complain when, even in my self-imposed constraints, I have plenty.