Settling in.

Three weeks ago I left my home, my city, my family, my dog, and my friends and moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana where I stepped into full-time on-campus residence life position at a Catholic university in the latter half of the middle of the fall semester. Does that sound dramatic to you? I'm trying to make it sound dramatic, with the run-on sentence and the comma-separated list. Is it dramatic, though? Because people keep asking me how I'm doing, if I'm "settling in" well, and I've run out of clever responses:

Yes, I'm settling in well. You're all very friendly. I love my job. I'm learning as I go. I found Starbucks, Half-Price Books, and Aldi's. My RAs are excellent, and I did the math and discovered that I have had conversations with at least 50 of my 140 residents.

What's really weird is that after three weeks of rolling with the punches, meeting new people, exploring the area, and being cheerful, "it" is starting to creep in. I can hear the homesickness scratching at my door. In retrospect, setting a glamour-shot of downtown Pittsburgh as my desktop background may have been a bad idea.

My sister called me from Rome yesterday. Her semester abroad is coming to an end in a few weeks and she called to say she misses home. Apparently she is experiencing culture shock and it's making her shockingly tired - her subconscious is finally fighting back against the tide of constant new-ness in her surroundings and forcing her to rest and recover. I had a moment where I wondered if my current exhaustion has anything to do with culture shock but... I'm pretty sure it's because I'm stressed from carrying the On Call phone all week. Possibly also related to the incident where a student locked himself out at 4:30 in the morning and called me instead of security.

The bottom line is that I'm stuck in this in-between place of "settling in" where I don't technically have problems - my job is great, I'm building relationships with people on campus, I'm getting a lot of extracurricular reading done, etc - but every now and again I realize how much is still missing. No one to make pancakes and watch The Walking Dead with, no nieces and nephew to visit, no church family, no local coffee shop where everyone knows my name... and no matter how content I am in my current position, it's an uphill battle to find a life outside of work.

As much as I appreciate their concern, somehow I don't think the people asking me how I'm doing are really going to be able to help that much.

LtD: Ten Days In

Dear Debbie,

When I wrote my last letter I had absolutely no expectation that I would be offered the job for which I had just interviewed. It was the last thing on my mind, as a matter of fact, which is understandable considering I was a sight more concerned that I had broken my mom's car and I was going to miss a full day of the job I did have at the time. I thought I had probably seen the last of them when I finally drove away from Fort Wayne, but look at me now - both employed and happy in my employment.

The last week and a half have been one of the most intense learning experiences of my life. I spent three days doing my job without any login credentials. I was dealing with conduct issues and having RA one-on-ones starting on Monday morning, yet my first "formal" training didn't take place until Thursday. I'm not complaining. I know that's what ResLife is like and it's impossible to pause it just to train little ol' me in the middle of the semester. As a person who likes to have an outline and a thorough working knowledge of everything before leading an article discussion for 55 minutes, I was understandably distressed at the thought of speaking directly into students' lives armed only with my personal commitment to circumspection and neighborly behavior.

However.

Remember that paper I wrote for capstone about HED at Geneva being the "liberal arts" approach to higher education? I had some theoretical arguments for the efficacy of the approach, but this is where the rubber meets the road and it has been good for me. It's like my classes of the last two years - even the last six years - have been gradually turning my brain into a gum band. It stretches and adapts and applies itself to any issue I need to approach, but from time to time it gives me a good snap to keep me on my toes.

I can imagine you giving me a little half smile and leaning into your desk to say, "You know, Ceci, this is just the beginning. There are a lot more things for you to learn in this job." And I know it's true; I would be lying if I said that it wasn't stressful, or that I feel like I know what I'm doing. But I no longer feel overwhelmed when I think about tomorrow, and I am looking forward to tackling new challenges as they arise.

I'm sure I mentioned this after my interview, but the apartment is great. It's easily four times the size of my last apartment, and all of my earthly possessions barely make it look furnished... but it's exactly the kind of space I think a hall director should have: open and comfortable, and I'm looking for ways to make it even more hospitable. I've started by bribing people with Guitar Hero and coffee/tea/hot chocolate. Sound like anyone we know?

I can't forget my staff! You'll remember that when I came back to BF I really wanted to write them a note and tell them how impressed I was with them during the interview? I want to do it more every day. I am excited to be a hall director and get to know all of my residents, but I am even more excited to work with these RAs, to support their efforts and help them to excel as a team, to mentor them if they will let me. Everything that I really wanted to do with TAs, but this time it's part of my job description instead of extracurricular.

So basically, I'm excited about learning. I'm excited about meaningful conversations. I'm excited about teamwork. I'll bet that's a surprise, hmm?

Cheers,
Ceci