Note to Self: Too much pop culture?

I just finished season two of the CW's Supernatural. Unfortunately, I don't have access to season three at the moment, so I have to take a 24-hour break before I can continue feeding my obsession. I should have known better than to start a show with multiple back-seasons in the middle of the semester, but I thought it couldn't hurt. It's nice to take a break from my life and see someone else's is even more messed up.

Then again, there's something attractive about Dean and Sam's life. Sure, they're hot, bad-A brothers fighting demons (both literal and metaphorical) and winning, but beyond that I envy the freedom they have. There are so many things they don't have to be or worry about, Sam can study whatever and whenever, they have an awesome car, and there's a big wide American interstate network for them to explore.

On the other hand, both of their parents are dead and their lives are in constant danger, but what is that compared to freedom and enjoying that kind of family loyalty? No matter how many hours Dean makes Sam listen to 80's metal (possibly my first buy-in to Dean's character), in the end you know that they would die for each other. Perhaps I'm living out my hopes and dreams vicariously through the Winchester brothers. Somebody get me season three!

I can admit that I have a problem of the addictive sort when it comes to pop culture, but I'll argue that part of my enthusiasm comes from a fascination with American storytelling. This show is a great example - taking on the myths and legends of the unseen world is a pretty tall order, and they've been at it for seven seasons. Every now and again there's a creepy episode (usually involving children) that I wish they hadn't tackled, but just like with Buffy, I'm glad that someone is taking on the question of evil.

So what's the point? I watch the shows because I'm caught up in some part of the characters, but I also love seeing the way they tell the stories, the way heroes are made and destroyed. Sometimes it makes me sad for my generation, but other times it teaches me to hope. (I wonder whether they tackle the question of God, and of good, more in the next few seasons... no, don't tell me, I can imdb it if the suspense gets to be too much.) Maybe it can inspire a few more people to fight demons - in any sense. And that would make it all worth it.

Oh, and along with that note to self... take a flashlight next time you take the garbage out post -season finale. A real hunt always starts with casualties and, well, you're the casualty type :P

the box in the corner

I've been thinking a lot about my semester in Los Angeles lately, probably because that was the last time I really made an effort to write. LA wasn't something that anyone I knew expected me to do, and although no one was against it, per se, no one was very "for" it. I distinctly remember having a conversation with Uncle Wayne before I left: I told him what the program was about and why I was planning on attending. He was surprisingly attentive, and he only had one thing to say when I was done - "That's great. I'm really proud of you."

I remembered that many times while I was gone. Sometimes it was that moment that gave me the courage to explore the city, approach strangers outside of the studios or even get in the car to go to church. Fear plays a huge role in my life (and, I think, in any life), and when the going was toughest I would remember that Uncle Wayne was proud of me. Knowing that at least one person had my back made me able to engage in a community wildly different than the one I was used to.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about our culture and wondering whether a culture so devoted to independence could spend a little more time looking into what the word actually means. How many times as a child were you told "you can be anything you want to be"? Even if it wasn't your parents, I'd bet good money that there was at least one TV show or song in your childhood dedicated to you being "all you can be."

There are lots of negatives to that particular message, but the one I want to bring to light is the fact that independence done well is a lot more about autonomy than it is about libertarian independence. When our parents were telling us to dream, did they ever stop to ask yourself what happens when we can't be "anything" we want to be? What happens if it turns out that we can't be... anything? Don't pretend that that never happens, because it does. And what happens when we don't want to be anything like you want us to be?

You may have noticed that our generation is obsessed with connectedness. Being connected to people is a great thing, but I don't think we know how to do it well. In his book Hurt, Chap Clark suggests that the experience of adolescents in America is characterized by abandonment and disconnectedness - it's no wonder that we want community, but it is equally unsurprising that we don't know how to do community. We've never had a model, and how can we imagine "all we can be" when such a big part of us is missing?

It's not about people not genuinely caring about us, but it's a distracted kind of caring. Does this resonate with your experience in the world? Instead of being loved, our generation is managed. Instead of being inspired to greatness, we're being herded to it. We all believe that we should dream, and that we should dream big. Most of us do those things, but when it comes down to living the dream, we're stuck. At least, that has been my experience. The dreams are there, the ideals of beauty and justice and truth, but they just can't seem to come out.

When I was in LA I drove around the city, visited studios, walked the streets barefoot. My roommates and I had movie nights, midnight pancakes and liked to wander The Grove, or sometimes walk to Yogurtland after midnight. We had a good thing going - living and learning and looking to a bright future. But most importantly, I did my own grocery shopping. It seems like a very small thing, but every time I put away groceries I remembered that being there was part of my dream. Lots of people were behind me - I was most certainly not "independent - but I learned to live with autonomy.

Funny story: I still have the cardboard box that I filled with the remaining non-perishable foods from our apartment. Now that I'm living at home again, it sits in the corner of my room. It's my little nudging reminder, when the commute starts to wear on me, that I did it once and I can do it again. More people should have experiences like that to look back on.

Asking for Prayer

I know no one reads this, but it seems a little less fluffy to blog than to simply update my status.

My best friend is in college in Texas. I don't know if you saw it on the news or read it anywhere, but there was a bus accident involving ACU students on Friday. One student died and more were hospitalized. Tiffany was one that was hospitalized. She has a broken pelvis and ankle, soreness on her right side, two neck fractures and bleeding in her brain. They moved her out of the ICU last night or this morning.

Did you know that a round-trip ticket from here to Abilene is $600-700? I hate hospitals, and I hate my friends being in hospitals, and I hate being far from the people I love, but it seems like I have to sit this one out.

God doesn't, of course, so I'll be praying. If you read this, please let me know you're praying too.

Petition for a Dress Code

"Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another."

I Thessalonians 5:11

If you're anything like me (although I hope you're not, there's a chance) and were raised in a conservative Christian home with a conservative Christian community surrounding you, you are no stranger to rules. Rules about how you speak, about how you address adults, about how you spend Sunday, and definitely rules about how you dress. I won't reiterate all of the homeschooler stereotypes, but if you're anything like me... you know what I'm talking about.

Today The Geneva Cabinet ran an article written by a friend of mine titled "Petition for a Dress Code." I don't think anyone claims an immense campus readership for the Cabinet, but this article caught some attention. "[It is] the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen" and "[the article] is growing from a condescending perspective" are among the comments I have seen so far. I want to respond to the article, but also to other students' assumptions about it. I don't think Aaron was saying what you thought he was saying.

1) The headline offered to the article was provocative and clearly garnered attention. However, if you take a minute to read the whole thing, you'll see that he says "Instead of pushing for a true dress code, I have been advised to ask for help from the ladies, to make your own dress code." He doesn't want the school to make more rules for us, he is simply asking us to think about what we're wearing.

2) I don't believe that what we choose to wear is value-free - I think that just like we decide to lie or not, or to cuss or not, or to scowl at everyone we see during the day, we cannot say that our clothes are just fashion choices. We can probably all agree that some clothing is appropriate in certain scenarios and not in others. So maybe he has a point about evaluating our wardrobe decisions.

That being said, here's what I'm thinking: I don't think that Aaron's letter told the whole story. If we're going to talk about appropriate dress, I'd like to see the other half of the campus population alerted to the fact that modesty is not just an issue for women. People don't often mention men's clothes because they have so much less variety, but maybe, like me, you would consider jeans two sizes too small, v-neck shirts that show off half your chest-hair, or six inches of exposed boxers a bit of a problem in the male wardrobe world.

Like I said, I don't think Aaron's letter told the whole story, and it's clear that this is a topic that pushes buttons for a lot of people, especially people who have been hurt by the judgment of other Christians in the past. But I don't think we can let personal prejudices like that blind us to two important things: First, treat Aaron with respect, because if you read his letter you'll see that he treats you (the reader) with respect. Second, instead of responding negatively, why don't we face the real question - as Christians, what are we saying with our clothes? Is it something we want to be saying, and is it glorifying God?

I'm not here to make a dress code, but I think that it raises a good question. How do you respond? How do you think we can edify each other, as we are told to in I Thessalonians, on this subject? And how can our apparel glorify God?

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do for the glory of God"

I Corinthians 10:31

Little Fictions

Congratulations on your graduations, everyone in the Class of 2011! Of course, this could mean that I am congratulating myself, but sometimes that's appropriate. Also, I primarily mean for this to celebrate high school graduates - particularly those brave enough to admit that they don't know what they're doing next.

I went to two parties yesterday (yay Josiah and Alex, if you ever read this), and today our whole family packed up and took off to Ohio for the afternoon to party with Emelia and the Denggs. My family. There was good food, some games (which I observed rather than joining), wine tasting (thank you, Uncle Mark, for homemade wine:), and conversation. It is the last of these which left me curious and conflicted, and about which I will write here.

Grandpa Dengg loves me very much. I suppose I have been very blessed to have known all four of my grandparents (5, if you count C and T's grandma, Aldean), and to know that they loved me. I am even more blessed to still have Grandpa Dengg, to have him send cards and try to find out what's going on in my life. The only problem is that he doesn't remember so well - today he called me over so he could tell Aunt Pat what I'm doing right now, and he said that I was shoeing horses.

Before you laugh at the ridiculosity, I suppose you should know that that was in the plan. Quite a while ago, but still... it seemed like something I could do, and something that would pay well once I was through training. It would have fit right in with my life-plan of being a large animal veterinarian. He was really excited about it when we talked about it around Grandma's kitchen table 5 years ago.

It's harmless, I know, but I still wonder what to do with this. It happened at Easter, too. I just smile and say, "That was a few years ago..." and if people ask, I say that I spent a year on a Ranch after high school. True, but there was no actual shoeing involved. How does one tell one's grandfather that he is, in fact, mistaken about one's entire life-plan? Enlighten me, please.

This is really just at the foundation of a whole bunch of questions. When you graduate high school, you're supposed to know where you're going, what you're doing. Graduating college has the same implications - each step into maturity supposedly comes with a set of clearer instructions than the last one. But what if it doesn't? My experience has been that I become more aware of the opportunities and challenges ahead, but where I will actually end up becomes more vague.

More exciting, perhaps, but much more vague.

I spent a lot of my high school years with a false sense of certainty, and God worked long and hard to break me of it so that he could point me to the humanities rather than science. I have a great deal of respect for people who, at graduation, are courageous enough to admit that they are "undeclared." There's no shame in not knowing what God has no yet revealed, and it might save you from having to deal with some of the Little Fictions that could come up otherwise.

worth doing badly

Bold words to be followed by four months of silence. Again, I can only say that I am a coward whose braveness shines through only when I have had plenty of sleep and am particularly upset about something. But perchance courage is not what I should be seeking. Sometimes I wonder why I write at all, since no one will see or read these words, and anyone who does will likely not comment. But my advisor, Terry Thomas, has drilled this quote into my head in the last few weeks, and it has given me a new perspective.

A man must love a thing very much if he not only practises it without any hope of fame and money, but even practises it without any hope of doing it well. If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
G.K. Chesterton

Do I believe this? Is writing and thinking and writing about my thinking something that I love enough to do badly, that I will share even though I fail? Apparently, since I have been journalling and blogging for nearly ten years. So I am back, yet again, free for the summer, and I hope to share happy thoughts here, as well as a few sad, and a few challenging, as the need arises.

As a brief update - I recently graduated, and am currently unemployed in Greenland. More like the Pittsburgh environs, but we've had enough rain for it truly to be a green land, although a massive flood may overtake us yet. I might be getting a job with the post office, having successfully navigated through the governmental hoops required for such a job. I sat in on a summer class just for fun, and I look forward to taking my first graduate class in two weeks. College grad that I am, I still don't know exactly where I am going or what I want to do.

We shall see how very much I love this thing worth doing...

... like coming home.

Long lost practice, this. Writing for someone besides myself. Not that anyone else reads what I write here, but it could happen, so I write for that person who probably exists at the end of my inductive argument...

It's odd that I haven't been here - even thought about being here - in eight months, and somehow I still agree with my purpose statement and want to continue it. The last year has been busy and beautiful and painful in its own ways, but the fact remains clear in my experience that Christians and churches continue to be poor representations of the glory of the gospel handed to us by God. We judge when we should show mercy, backpedal when we should speak truth, and huddle in our church buildings instead of going out to take on the brokenness of the world. If we believe that God has the power and the answers, why are we so timid and defensive?

I am no exception, obviously. I am a coward most of the time, and have a talent for offending people the rest of the time. But I can't improve unless I try, so here I am to try again. Where will my study of life lead me this year? I can't wait. Because I believe that God is powerful and wise, and changed lives don't happen in a vaccuum... here's a holler to the non-vaccuum out there. Yinz ready for this?